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lyrics

One day my father he sat me down
And he wore on his face a furious frown
And he said, “Son, it seems that you’re acting the clown”
And by this time my father was huffing and puffing
And saliva in the corners of his mouth was frothing
Still I said, “But father, they’re teaching me nothing
Nothing, nothing at all…about barnacles.”
And he said, “Barnacles?”
And I said “Barnacles! I want to know all there is to know
About what they eat and drink, how they sleep, mate and grow
For though some prefer animals that move a little speedier
Mine’s got to be an invertebrate of the sub-class cirripedia!”

And my father he looked at me slightly awry,
And he said, “Oh, he’s insane! Well, why don’t we try
Him in a profession with a meticulous structure
We’ll pack him off to Edinburgh and train him as a doctor.”
So off to Edinburgh Uni I went
To study the sicknesses and their treatment
But I soon decided it wasn’t for me
So I skipped all my lectures and sat home drinking tea

And that summer my father he sat me down
And he wore on his face a furious frown
And he said, “Once again you are acting the clown”
And although my father’s words were quite gutting
And although he’s not used to his offspring rebutting
Still I said “But father, they’re teaching me nothing
Nothing, nothing at all…about barnacles.”
And he said, “Barnacles?”
And I said “Barnacles! I want to know all there is to know
About what they eat and drink, how they sleep, mate and grow
For though some prefer cats and dogs I’d rather have a load’a
Balanus tintinnabulum of the phylum arthropoda.”

And my father he looked at me slightly askew
And he said, “Well there’s but one thing left to do with you
Now stop your protestation, this is no time to bicker
We’ll pack you off to Cambridge, and train you as a vicar.”
So off to Christ’s College in Cambridge I trundled
To study Christ’s knowledge and feel mighty humbled
And one day I met a man who turned out to mean a lot to me
His name was Professor Henslow and he lectured in botany

And this Professor Henslow was a man of some renown
Like a sage of advanced age in his black and purple gown
So I was quite excited when one day he sat me down
And he said, “I’m not sure you’re cut out for theology
So why not skip your lectures and attend those with me?”
And I said, “But Professor, what about my degree?”
“But I’ll teach you everything, everything there is to know…
…about barnacles.”
And I said, “Barnacles?”
“Yes barnacles!” And now I know all there is to know
About what they eat and drink, how they sleep, mate and grow
And in spite of my advances I’ve never been greedier
For knowledge of invertebrates of the sub-class cirripedia.
That’s barnacles.

credits

from The Origin of Species by means of Natural Selection or the Survival of (R​)​Evolutionary Theories in the face of Scientific and Ecclesiastical Objections: being a Musical Comedy about Charles Darwin (1809​-​1882), released September 1, 2009

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