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lyrics

I'd been thrusted, maladjusted, into a world that I wasn't sure I trusted
It was far too much, so I tested writing a list, and here's what I listed:
I had friends, funds and fame, but there was one thing for which I still lusted
I explicitly confessed it, saying this is the thing that I miss:

I needed a wi-i-ife
And not just any old wife, but a wife for life
Through good times and stri-i-ife
And as I schemed away there seemed no way out of this dilemma:
So I proposed to cousin Emma

Well my father was very delighted. I was keeping it in the family.

She said "Yes, coz, I feel blessed, coz, for you are one of the best, coz,
I confess, coz, I was starting to fear that I was getting too old
And that no man in his right mind would ever be this way inclined."
And after we'd dine I spoke my mind and said "I think that I've struck gold."

For I've found a wi-i-ife
And not just any old wife, but a wife for life
Through good times and stri-i-ife
And no matter what comes my way I will praise that day in November
When I'd proposed to my cousin Emma

Isn’t she beautiful? I particularly like her nose. The same lack of determination as mine. Our children all have the same nose, funnily enough. And little Charlie has six fingers on one hand. Anyway. I mean her father, my uncle, my father’s brother, and the greatest pot-maker in all the land, certainly didn't object.

He said “Hey man! No way man! The answer’s definitely okay man!
You can have the old spinster, I already miss her, but tomorrow I probably won’t.
Best of luck man! Run amuck man! I’ll be there if you ever get stuck man!
Oh and have all the pots that you need!” and I said, “No thanks, Josiah, I don’t.”

For I’ve found a wi-i-ife
And not just any old wife, but a wife for life
Through good times and stri-i-ife
And no matter what comes our way, this will be a day to remember
For today is the day that I married my cousin Emma.

She’s always been like a sister to me. We’re very close.

credits

from The Origin of Species by means of Natural Selection or the Survival of (R​)​Evolutionary Theories in the face of Scientific and Ecclesiastical Objections: being a Musical Comedy about Charles Darwin (1809​-​1882), released September 1, 2009

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