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Japanese Spider Crab

from Ensonglopedia of Animals by John Hinton

/

lyrics

Down in Japan,
Out in Suruga Bay,
There’s a crab with a plan
To make the whole world sway.
It’s got a lengthy lifespan -
Lots of time in which to cabaret,
And if it’s okay
We’re gonna learn its dance today.

You gotta start off really, really small,
I mean smaller than that, like a tiny tiny ball,
And then grow, grow, grow ‘til you’re the biggest arthropod of all.
Now you shuffle side to side on your spindly legs.
I swear it doesn’t much care where it treads.
Now snap, snap, snap with your razor-sharp chelipeds.
It’s time to feed, eat anything you find:
Fish, slugs, seaweed, or if you’re so inclined,
A carcass a shark has been kind enough to leave behind.

Do the crab,
Do the Japanese spider crab!
That’s fab, come on, everybody have a stab!
You gotta shuffle side to side on your spindly legs
And snap, snap, snap with your chelipeds
And then grow, grow, grow a new layer of exoskeleton
And the sing, sing, sing the chorus of the Japanese Spider Crab song
Which goes like this… “I am the Japanese Spider Crab!”
Everybody now… “I am the Japanese Spider Crab!”

Do the crab,
Do the Japanese spider crab!
That’s fab, then for the fun of it, dab dab dab!
Now you shuffle side to side on your spindly legs.
And snap, snap, snap with your chelipeds
And raise your shoulders cos you’ve got no neck to link your bodies to your heads

Once a year, you all gather close to the shore
In a throng of two thousand crabs or more
And clamber all over each other like some kind of King Kong
And then shed, shed, shed that old layer of exoskeleton
And then have another go at the chorus of the Japanese Spider Crab song!

“I am the Japanese Spider Crab!”
And again now… “I am the Japanese Spider Crab!”
Final time now… “I am the Japanese Spider Crab!”

credits

from Ensonglopedia of Animals, released October 15, 2018

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